My kind of luxury, liberating single-parent-life

As I am writing this, my daughters seem to be taking turn to constantly blabbing away next to my ears and asking for my attention, to look, watch, and listen to their "stories" (currently it's about a bunny and some Veggie friends having a picnic after a big, adventurous trip to the Supermarket), so if my writing appeared distracted and disconnected then - please accept my apology.

There are days when I used to wish that it lasted more than 24 hours just so I could get more things done. Though now, I can wake up without feeling guilty for not having gone to bed before the first hour of the next day actually arrived. To be able to do that hasn't been easy for me since I became a single parent since the 3 years. Learning to relax and leaving things undone everynow and then wasn't an easy thing for me to do even though I knew it's equally important.

I like getting stuff done; tuck, tuck, tuck! The sooner they're out of my way, the better. Be it housework, paper work or even appointments. If I need to have a meeting with someone, I preferred to choose the early morning hours. Some people may wondered why I am this way, it's because I need to put myself under time pressure in order to get things done and it must be done right now, otherwise I'll be in a totally opposite timeline mode where nothing get done at all for a while. I happen to be one of those who find peace and calm better in a neat environment. It means, the quicker I get my jobs done, the sooner I can get to enjoy my blissful peace and calm mind mode. But in truth, this isn't always possible so I often ended up feeling annoyed with myself and totally frustrated. I knew something wasn't right. I needed a change.

***Pause***Time to go hidding the Easter Eggs***

I reset my priorities and simply slowdown. I set myself a more realistic goals and focus on what really matter now. It makes me breath better. No doubt I could also sleep better at night and even more hours than previously. That, in my opinion, is luxury. Leaving everything behind so I could run out to catch up with my pilates classes, meeting up with friends and spending more times with my pets is all worth it. That is again, my luxury for life. Every now and then I even forgot my appointments. But you know what, it felt good and it made me laugh. The good news is, those work that got left behind, they usually never run away from me so we'll always have time to catch up on that - at some point.

As a single, self-defined I-can-do-it-all-mom, my favourite part of this job is, I get to choose and determine what, how, when and why I want to get things done. You see, I rule. The kids know, mom's the boss. Life is oh-so-beautiful. What a luxury life I have :-)

Now, let me just take another sip of wine before I continue with all the bragging. Did I say wine? I meant coffee;-) But I'll remember to come back to the wine all right. Afterall, that is also part of my luxury life!

So, when I say that I am a "I-can-do-it-all-mom", I meant litterally that. I'm as much a mum and a dad for my two girls after all since there're just the three of us now. It hasn't always been this way obviously but as we all knew, sometimes life don't always turn out the way we've expected it to be. This is exactly why I believe, all the more reason why we should embrace every good things we have right in front of us and right now. In my case, my two precious princesses.

***Meanwhile, the girls found all the 30 eggs hidden*** Natalie won and Leila was almost in tears (she's absolutely terrible at losing games). Anyway, both got giant chocolate eggs as rewards so Leila could smile again :-)

The moment I discovered that, keeping up with it all doesn't matter as much compared to the need to feel that I am doing the right thing, I felt so liberated. I don't know if everything is going to be OK but at least I am not afraid if everything isn't going to be OK. I used to worry way too much as I felt that every decisions I made each day should effect the rest of my children's future. I was and still am worrying that I will make the wrong decision or not doing enough to be a good parent or being a good enough example for them. I used to drive myself crazy about all that but fortunately I could turn myself around and saw that, what I really wanted, I already have. My two happy, healthy kids.

It's OK when everything else isn't perfect right now but I have so much time (luxury) and opportunites (another luxury) to get to listen to them when they so excitedly fighting to share their stories at school, to see their happy faces when they knew they've done something great, whether from school, with friends or in their own spare times. I have no doubt that I am on the right path and I am doing the right thing.

I don't need to be a super mummy, just a mummy who are at times, very forgetful. And I knew I am doing doing OK with that :-)

Happy Easter to all!

Mommy's guilt

It's one of those days when your kids drove you so nut that all you want to do is stand there screaming: "Do you hear me or do you actually don't understand my language?!?" But you knew better; the noise may get you the attention you need, but you also knew that they are actually thinking; "Mommy've gone mad"...

Indeed. Mommy have gone so mad that tonight there will be no stories, no hugs no kisses - light off and that's it with you lots. Good night!!!

Guess who's most miserable now? Me!!! So I'm not quite sure who's being punished here. 

I sat and wait until all was quiet and still before decided to creep up the stairs as quiet as I possibly could. Now that they're fast asleep, just how wonderful and sweet are those angel faces. I hope they don't mind when I'm about to steal the hugs and kisses from them now. Goodnight and sweet dream. 

Will make sure to remember waking them up with extra hugs and kisses the follwing morning.

To have or not to have a pet?

To have or not to have a pet? This has been quite a battle of discussion within my family for awhile now. The topic just got a little more heated after I've recently been asked to babysit a friend's frogs over the summer holiday. Apparently "fish" is the currently trend as house pet. Every second person I spoke to seemed to have just bought an aquarium. 

"Shall we have a Goldfish?" I teased my girls. "Well...Goldfishes are nice, but we preferred something we could hold, mummy".

Well, that meant to be just a joke. I would have said no anyway even if their answer was yes for the Goldfish. 

There are times when I wonder if adopting a pet is part of the Swiss culture but that would be too exaggerating right? Yet in the area where we live, nearly everyone I knew seemed to own a pet of some sort. My neighbor on the left has two dogs and a cat (or two?). The neighbor behind me has one cat. The neighbor opposite me has a cat and a dog. The neighbor two houses down has two dogs, and there are just more cats and dogs more houses down the neighbors next to the neighbors, up the hills and down the hills. As for us, apart from the little birds who's been making some nests around the inside corners of our windows, we're probably the only one here without a pet. 

Are we not kind enough to officially adopting one? My girls and I loved animals (who doesn't really?) They've always been bombarding me with images of animals that they find cute, especially the baby little ones. In fact, they are all about anything small. They once adopted an earthworm they found in the garden and called it "Mijji". Fortunately I managed to persuade them to let it go back and do the work in our flower bed. But then there was this other time when they discovered a young field mouse. That was the time when they ended up in tears at letting go. Ever since then Natalie began her little obsession with mice and co. 

"Mummy, please... could be a little mouse too.. At least I can hold and stroke her. You'd never have to take her out for a walk!"

Mice?!? Urgggggg....!!! Why not rabbits or guinny pigs? I mean, at least those are really cute and cuddly! But mice?? What can you do with them? Ain't they supposed to be pest?? Well, that's my immediate opinion.

"Mummy, please... So-and-so are getting a hen/mouse/hamster/rabbit... Why can't we have a mouse? They're so cute and they stay small forever. I would even pay for it my self, pleassssss...mummy."

"Huh, pay for it? Can you actually even buy a mouse?"

Natalie then grabbed her iPad and showed me Youtube videos of some very well trained mice. Apparently you could even train them to play basketball! I'm impressed. Both with the fact that she did her research and that some mice are considered as pets. 

"But who will take care of them when we're away? Mummy will not take the mice on holiday with us!" 

"Mummy, all my friends will be happy to look after them!"

"Well, Natalie, have you discussed this with their mums?" That was my final answer, then. 

Until...

One fine day, I got a phone call from a friend; "Hey, come over for a coffee and bring the girls, we just got some newborn bunnies!"

And the next thing is: "Owwwww...Mummy, they're soooooooo sweet! Can we not keep some?"

"Oh! That would be great if you can take some. We're looking for some new homes for these bunnies, can't keep them all as the mother is already pregnant again!", was the response from my friend. At the same time I thought if this coffee was planned? Hmmm...

Then again, these thoughts were going through my head: ...

The bunnies are indeed very sweet. 

"At least" these are cute and cuddly bunnies, they're not mice.

The kids are constantanly repeating what sounded like prayers.

 "Sure, then we'll take two if that's OK with you?"

Opps, did I just said yes?

Oh - what a cry of joy from my daughters. 

While everyone is happy, the mummy me wasn't quite sure of the situation she just got herself involved really. My friend said we can collect them after they no longer needed their mum, about a month from then. The one month time for the preparation of the bunnies' new home seemed more like the time for me to be mentally prepared for all that is yet to come. You know how it works at the end if the day; the kids get the pet, the mums get the work. As if I don't already have enough at hands. 

The interesting thing is, during this one month period, we've been visited constantly by a cat. She seemed to have come from nowhere, we've never seen her around here before so I placed a little notice for the "Lost cat found" and managed to track down the owner. Her name is Ginger and she is from the other side of the village accross the main street. Also Ginger is a boy. He loves to roam about and usually get disappeared up to a week before returning home, sometimes by cars of other kind neighbors when he wandered off too far. We carried him back a couple of times to make sure he gets fed but he usually made his way back to our garden by the following mornings so we decided to just let him be. The owner simply confirmed us not to worry about him; "When he's too cold or hungry, he'll come home". That's her answer. Oh well.

By the time the bunnies are matured enough to be separated from their mother, I realized there were still a couple of things that ain't yet ready, like...rabbit food, water bottles, and what else again? But definitely a water bottle or two.

I made a visit to the pet shop with the girls a day before the bunnies arrive. There's a nice new pet shop in town that we've never checked out. I wondered if this is where all the aquariums at my friends' places came from.

In the pet shop. The girls went ballistic. "Mummy, look at the fish, look at the frogs, oh, that giant spider, mummy, they even got a snake here!" And then they discovered the best corner where a couples of other little girls were already there, making owww and awwww noices. The bunnies, the guinny pigs, the hamsters and of course, the mice of various types and colors. Things get even more exciting in the pet shop then.

I drove home with a water bottles, dried grain food for bunnies, vitamin drops, chunks of himalaya salt, toys and home deco for the bunnies and all things necessary for mice.

Did I say mice? 

Opps! I did it again!!!

I must have said yes somehow because I found myself driving back to the pet shop and picked up the mice later that day.

"Mummy, thank you so much, you're the best mummy in the world!!!"

Mummy me: "What was I thinking?!?"

Meanwhile, Ginger the cat have been busy leaving his marks around our garden, making it his second (or third?) home. I just hope that he'll always remember to go back to his real home at the end of the day.

So it seems, we've adopted two bunnies, two mice and almost a cat. 

Or shall I say, another effort to fully integrate with the local way of life here is achieved? 

That "Less Toys" subject...

I came across a great article called “5 Reasons I’m Glad We’ve Chosen to Not Have Many Toys”, written by Moneysavingmum. However, after the reading, I somehow got a very ticklish feeling to how achievable that really is. What do you do with toys that are given as presents by others? I mean, kids don't just get toys from their parents, can parents really put so much control on how we want others to give presents to our children? I believe parents can have some influences on the choice of those presents bought and give by others (as often people would ask what the child would like and dislike), but how much influence really? Children don't stay  children, they grow, they have birthdays, have friends, they socialise, and their interests changed with time.

Leia's creative use of toilet paper roll, this time: a Hippo.

I totally agreed on those five reasons mentioned on the article. Personally it is also something I've been trying to practise with my kids at home. I used to take my girls to the "Ludothek" downtown instead of taking them to the toyshop. Ludothek is a place where you can pay a small sum of yearly membership fee and borrow toys. It works like a library. My kids loved it. One of the many "Family Rules" at home actually written: "Pay with Hugs and Kisses". Yes, my kids got plenty of that and never seem to have enough, although they also made jokes about me exchanges hugs and kisses with the cashier ladies at the supermarket for the glocceries bought. But of course they understood that mummy does not have to buy them a present or pay them the CHF 2.00 (as prior agreed) every time they did well at school. Having less toys saved me a lot of money, less time spent tidying up and therefore, a lot of nerve is also spared. The best part is, kids became very creative with the little things they have. That is true in our case as well. They're always inspired by small things and rarely run out of ideas of what to do and play. As for setting them on the path for Entrepreneurship, our family rule number 9th actually said to "Dream Big" but honestly speaking (writing), I feel it's a bit too early to judge and cage the kids based on their skills and interests at the age of just 6 and 9. They still got plenty of time to grow and learn new things. As said before, their interests do change with time, just like us adults.

So, if her opinion is good and I've been trying to do it prior reading the article anyway, what is the problem?

Leila kept herself entertained and occupied while waiting for food in a restaurant.

My problem is, I see loop holes in the article. What are we to do with presents? Or am I the only one spoiling my children by allowing them to have their social life, holding birthday parties (by no mean large parties) and taking them to visit family and friends, including the ones in the faraway lands? Ideology is one thing but reality is another. Kids are kids - and us grown ups just love to shower them with presents and gifts which are mostly toys anyway... 

Natalie putting her drawing skills to good cause, one of the designs she made on cards sold to earn cash for UNICEF. 

You see, I am of Thai origin so my family stretched out beyond Swiss’ boarder. My Thai side of family live far away from us and the thing is, each time they got to see the girls, it felt like it's Christmas all over again! Not that it made any different when it was us playing the visitors either. The last time we went to see our family in Thailand, we ended up having to choose between getting a new suitcase and face an additional charge for that extra weight at the airport or upsetting the girls and leave their presents behind. I think you would agree with the latter too, right? 

One of Leila's version of a Hippo when she was four.

Interestingly my oldest girl Natalie finally drop a comment; “Mummy, why is it that each time we have “your Thai friends”* here, they always come with their suitcases full of presents just for us?” Firstly, what she actually mean with “Thai friends” is basically how an eight-year-old describe all my Asian family members and very close friends who came to stay with us during their visit to Switzerland. In Thailand, the friend of your mum becomes an "aunt", the aunt of your mum, becomes your other "grandmother". Everyone is a family member.

Little ballerina had enough with the show time, now just want to draw. 

Well, anyway, that really got me into thinking…harder, if I should actually say something to my relatives and friends regarding their generosity. I mean, after all the last thing I want is that the girls started to make “expectation” and “comparing” the number of presents they are getting by whom and from whom, or having it programed in their heads that each time they see this and that person, there should be this and that amount of presents waiting for them. That would be so wrong. On the other hand, I can totally understand my family and close friends' good will and the giving culture. I supposed it would be different if they get to see us and the girls more often. Grandma and Aunts just want to make sure the girls won't forget them and are so happy to finally 'get to spoil them'.  

I absolutely don't know the way to make rejection without ending up being rude and unappreciated. The giver enjoys the giving and the receivers enjoy the new gifts and the loving attention. I think, most of us have been there.

So, the only solution (that seem to work) I find is to quietly explain to my girls and hopefully they understand why some family members chose to show their love and kindness in the form of material things, they simply live too far away to take you to the playground or sit around playing games with you every other day. The fact is, with young children's mind, if you don't often spend time with them and yet expect them to remember you, the kind of impression you want to leave for them may request more than just "a great time" together. Imagine asking my six-years-old this; "Do you remember Aunt "B", the one who came here and went with us to the zoo?", they will remember the trip to the zoo but not so much about aunt "B". But if I were to say, "Do you remember aunt "B", the one who joined us at the trip to the zoo and bought you that Hippo?", now, my six-years-old will be more likely to remember that aunt "B"! Not that she is materialistic though, it just the fact that, we do have more than one trips to the zoo last year and often enough that we won't alone, so if I were to be more specific as in "the one who give", somehow kids just remember them better!!!

Drinking made exciting. 

Locally (as in, friends and family within Switzerland), there are times when I get questions asked for the girls' birthday and Christimas'wish lists. Let me tell you, a straight forward answer to such simple question is really hard. Although I tried to stick to the girls' basic needs, I feel it only get harder when you have two girls and the younger one could benefit a lot from the older one. Plus, as mother, you tend to automatically get most of these things sorted for your kids before they ended up freezing their toes out before their next birthday finally arrive just so they could add winter boots on the wish list then. So, at the end of the day, I often leave it up to the girls to make their own choices or the grown up to get creative on the idea of giving. And even though they know that their toy cupboards are full, but because there are things that (all) their friends at schools seemed to already owned more than one, they too, would like to have some of those things. You know what, people may judge me for spoiling my kids but you know, they have all waited since their last birthdays and Christmas for all that.

That time when the girls got very much into the loom bands.

As time goes by, thankfully my experience as a mum get to grow with it. Now that the girls are older, the ideas of alternative gifts are plenty out there. The girls have learnt to appreciate the time that many adults don't have much these days to spend with them, be it a trip to the zoo, museum or a theatre, as long as it is fun, they're up for it. Now that they understood the value of money (in the way that kids do), they've learnt to handle it with extra care too. They understood now that they have the choice to either spend it all, safe it all or spilt it into two parts; on something from their wish lists which they didn't get over Christmas or birthday and feed the rest to their piggy banks at home. 

Bedtime Party

The girls hardly watch TV or no TV at all during the week and when do, they preferred to watch a decent film from a DVD (which often get split into two half-times). Thanks to this good habit, they are automatically less approached by all the latest toys heavily advertised on the TV. They absolutely love doing all kinds of art&craft and spending time making stories with their figure toys. When the weather is good, they get creative around the garden or joining their friends out and abouts. Each have their own hobbies, mostly musical or physical activities which they enjoy doing and I completely encouraged, even if it means more time for me spending behind the wheel.

The Self-made cards are the best and Natalie knew it.

Admittedly without any shame that, although we started well and made effort to have less toys around the house, at the end of the day, we somehow ended up with too many toys. The girls owned far too many Barbies they could play with. They owned far too many Lego collections, which have been built, played with and now ran out of space to store and collect. They owned far too many games to play with in a year, too many stuffed toys to put on their beds. The list could go on. They get very excited about every new thing for a while but always go back to the same old habits of drawing, making stuff out of toilet paper rolls and anything they could find around the house. Back to the backyard and play with wild flowers, sand and stones.

The day Leila got creative with the washable pens.

Well, so what do we do with all these toys? I took the idea of "Ludothek" home with me and put them away to be "borrowed" by the girls every now and then. They like that. And when they no longer play with certain toys, the girls and I preferred to just give them away. We have great memories when they were given to us so why don't we simply do the same and make other parent and child happy? Indeed we're more fortunate than many families to be given such opportunities to have that many toys. But through good parenting and enough explaination given to the child, it isn't hard to teach him/her the art of giving, sharing and letting go. 

Our Family Rules @ SweetHome

I am not suggesting that it is good to have a lot of toys. The idea of having less toys is great, but there are times when us parents also have to think pass the rules and don't try to control everything. It's like someone telling me; "Don't take your kids to Disneyland,save your money and take them camping in the forest instead, they will have more fun with real adventure" or "I don't let my daughter play with Barbie dolls because she may ended up turning into one". 

I mean, "really?" What if we actually preferred to offer them both trip to Disneyland and camping in the forest but just on the separate trip. Fantasy adventure and wild life adventure just don't seem to be the same thing for me. Also I played with Barbie dolls when I was a kid, yet I don't seem to look like one. 

So, at the end of the day, it isn't about the amount of toys, it's about the quality time you spend educating your child. You can't just fix a rule "Less Toys" in this house and be done with it. Just think of those pair of shoes, clothes, handbags, make ups, perfumes and stuff we bought for the kitchen that we own and don't get much used! Or am I the only mum with such habit? No one is perfect.

Our Easter and Mid-Term holiday break

Hope you all had a great Easter and Mid-Term break! 

Ours have been a joyful mix of over-indulgent of chocolate, eggs and plenty of great quality time spent with the kids.

After two crazy months of getting the business ready to launch and the Webshop up and running, I am glad that the school holiday is here again. Beside getting to take sometime off from work (flexible working hours, an advantage for being self-employed ;-), it also means, a short break for Taxi-mama job, less cooking and more sleep for me, yippie! 

I wrote about the wonderful performance of the Apassionata show we saw in Basel recently, “The Golden Trail”, and how my two girls have been wishing for a pony or two around the garden (of which my answer happened to be a “no”). Well, instead I promised them a chance to experience how it is like to look after these ponies by arranging something special for them at a small ponyhof down the village. Though I thought a visit to the “Kinderzoo” Knie at Rapperswil would also be great start for the holiday now that we got the sunshine back (it kind of disappeared from Switzerland for a while prior this).I love this zoo, so did the girls. They had great fun feeding the animals, watching the sea lions doing their little tricks and getting to ride the ponies. I especially like the new Thai restaurant here. The food was good and the staff were really friendly.

Our next stop was a much participated trip to the “Naturama” museum in Aarau. To celebrate Easter, Naturama have arranged special opportunities for kids to visit and hold newborn chicks and cute little bunnies for that weekend. Again, more fun with egg hunting and eating the chocolate eggs they won.

Finally the moment they’ve long been waiting for, days out in the ponyhof (a small pony farm). The girls get to spend two whole days helping out, feed, clean, train the ponies and ride them. It was, as according to my girls, an unforgettable experience that they would love to do again, and again. “Mummy, this is the best holiday ever, Thank you!” Ah… and it's not even yet half-way through the school break, you already melt mummy’s heart! Having heard sayings like this only make me feel like spoiling them even more!!! Control yourself mum...!

Well, the fun didn’t just stop there at the “Ponyhof” (and the girls already knew it). I have also been promising them for a day trip to Europa Park (Rust, Germany). Exactly around this same time last year that we were invited by the grandparents for a weekend in Europa Park. I was surprised by how close we actually are to this great amusement park (less than two hours drive), so, kids packed, food packed, Europa Park here we come.

As if all that wild rides and big splashes at Europa Park wasn’t enough, the following Sunday was happened to be Thai Songkran festival, or better known as the Water Festival for the European. The day is also a special day for my younger daughter Leila. It’s the first time she gets to take part for the Thai classical dance. We were also very lucky with the weather, Leila, Natalie and I were soaking wet by the end of that afternoon!

No school holidays would be completed without a visit to the grandparents for my girls. So, up direction Toggenburg mountains we drove. We later spent a relaxing afternoon with the grandparent strolling through a bit of the countryside. There were plenty of pretty little “Schneeglöckchen” or “snowbell” (Galanthus) flowers to be found everywhere along the way. Some patches of old snow were also still to be found, enough for the girls to have some good snow ball fight.

Strangely it also felt as though I came here to officially say goodbye to Winter and hello to Spring, especially after having to bring back the skis and ski boots which I’ve rented for the girls in a local sport store here. Ah snow, I won’t be missing you until next skiing season!

On the next day I decided to take the girls to join some friends and made a spontaneous visit to Mainau, Bodensee (Germany) before heading back home. Mainau is absolutely stunning at the moment especially with all the colorful spring flowers blooming. Besides the creative flower gardens, castle and more ponies, the huge playground with mini punting boats here definitely have left a very good impression on the girls to make them want to come back :-)

We spent the last couple of days lazing around the house and the garden before the school start and before mummy (me) gets back to her usual 16 hours a day of work. There are packages sitting around, waiting to be unpacked and sorted. Emails, letters, correspondences, contracts and bills, all have made their arrivals as well. The nice thing to know about these stuff is the fact that, they will always be there, waiting for me too.

I’m recharged, refreshed and the next holiday is planned and booked. Life is beautiful. I’m now ready for anything - Hello work!

Let the "Count down" begin!!!

It's December the 1st and just how much my kids have been looking forward to this day! They can finally get to open their very first present from their Advent Calendars!!!

Yes, I for one do get to feel like a kid once all over again myself as soon as the first sign of winter has arrived. It's kind of like; "Yippie!! Soon it's Christmas!" My head then begin to think of a Christmas theme of the year and the sort of presents I would like to give out...the decoration...the cookies and oops, the cards! But the very one thing that I actually enjoy doing the most in preparation for this most beautiful time of the year are these Advent Calendars. I think they're such a joy to make and they really do mark the beginning of the "Count down" towards Christmas. They also make wonderful trick to speed up my kids in the morning as they could hardly wait to find out what inside those little packages before leaving for school :-)