As I am writing this, my daughters seem to be taking turn to constantly blabbing away next to my ears and asking for my attention, to look, watch, and listen to their "stories" (currently it's about a bunny and some Veggie friends having a picnic after a big, adventurous trip to the Supermarket), so if my writing appeared distracted and disconnected then - please accept my apology.
There are days when I used to wish that it lasted more than 24 hours just so I could get more things done. Though now, I can wake up without feeling guilty for not having gone to bed before the first hour of the next day actually arrived. To be able to do that hasn't been easy for me since I became a single parent since the 3 years. Learning to relax and leaving things undone everynow and then wasn't an easy thing for me to do even though I knew it's equally important.
I like getting stuff done; tuck, tuck, tuck! The sooner they're out of my way, the better. Be it housework, paper work or even appointments. If I need to have a meeting with someone, I preferred to choose the early morning hours. Some people may wondered why I am this way, it's because I need to put myself under time pressure in order to get things done and it must be done right now, otherwise I'll be in a totally opposite timeline mode where nothing get done at all for a while. I happen to be one of those who find peace and calm better in a neat environment. It means, the quicker I get my jobs done, the sooner I can get to enjoy my blissful peace and calm mind mode. But in truth, this isn't always possible so I often ended up feeling annoyed with myself and totally frustrated. I knew something wasn't right. I needed a change.
***Pause***Time to go hidding the Easter Eggs***
I reset my priorities and simply slowdown. I set myself a more realistic goals and focus on what really matter now. It makes me breath better. No doubt I could also sleep better at night and even more hours than previously. That, in my opinion, is luxury. Leaving everything behind so I could run out to catch up with my pilates classes, meeting up with friends and spending more times with my pets is all worth it. That is again, my luxury for life. Every now and then I even forgot my appointments. But you know what, it felt good and it made me laugh. The good news is, those work that got left behind, they usually never run away from me so we'll always have time to catch up on that - at some point.
As a single, self-defined I-can-do-it-all-mom, my favourite part of this job is, I get to choose and determine what, how, when and why I want to get things done. You see, I rule. The kids know, mom's the boss. Life is oh-so-beautiful. What a luxury life I have :-)
Now, let me just take another sip of wine before I continue with all the bragging. Did I say wine? I meant coffee;-) But I'll remember to come back to the wine all right. Afterall, that is also part of my luxury life!
So, when I say that I am a "I-can-do-it-all-mom", I meant litterally that. I'm as much a mum and a dad for my two girls after all since there're just the three of us now. It hasn't always been this way obviously but as we all knew, sometimes life don't always turn out the way we've expected it to be. This is exactly why I believe, all the more reason why we should embrace every good things we have right in front of us and right now. In my case, my two precious princesses.
The moment I discovered that, keeping up with it all doesn't matter as much compared to the need to feel that I am doing the right thing, I felt so liberated. I don't know if everything is going to be OK but at least I am not afraid if everything isn't going to be OK. I used to worry way too much as I felt that every decisions I made each day should effect the rest of my children's future. I was and still am worrying that I will make the wrong decision or not doing enough to be a good parent or being a good enough example for them. I used to drive myself crazy about all that but fortunately I could turn myself around and saw that, what I really wanted, I already have. My two happy, healthy kids.
It's OK when everything else isn't perfect right now but I have so much time (luxury) and opportunites (another luxury) to get to listen to them when they so excitedly fighting to share their stories at school, to see their happy faces when they knew they've done something great, whether from school, with friends or in their own spare times. I have no doubt that I am on the right path and I am doing the right thing.
I don't need to be a super mummy, just a mummy who are at times, very forgetful. And I knew I am doing doing OK with that :-)
***Meanwhile, the girls found all the 30 eggs hidden*** Natalie won and Leila was almost in tears (she's absolutely terrible at losing games). Anyway, both got giant chocolate eggs as rewards so Leila could smile again :-)
The moment I discovered that, keeping up with it all doesn't matter as much compared to the need to feel that I am doing the right thing, I felt so liberated. I don't know if everything is going to be OK but at least I am not afraid if everything isn't going to be OK. I used to worry way too much as I felt that every decisions I made each day should effect the rest of my children's future. I was and still am worrying that I will make the wrong decision or not doing enough to be a good parent or being a good enough example for them. I used to drive myself crazy about all that but fortunately I could turn myself around and saw that, what I really wanted, I already have. My two happy, healthy kids.
It's OK when everything else isn't perfect right now but I have so much time (luxury) and opportunites (another luxury) to get to listen to them when they so excitedly fighting to share their stories at school, to see their happy faces when they knew they've done something great, whether from school, with friends or in their own spare times. I have no doubt that I am on the right path and I am doing the right thing.
I don't need to be a super mummy, just a mummy who are at times, very forgetful. And I knew I am doing doing OK with that :-)
Happy Easter to all!
