That "Less Toys" subject...

I came across a great article called “5 Reasons I’m Glad We’ve Chosen to Not Have Many Toys”, written by Moneysavingmum. However, after the reading, I somehow got a very ticklish feeling to how achievable that really is. What do you do with toys that are given as presents by others? I mean, kids don't just get toys from their parents, can parents really put so much control on how we want others to give presents to our children? I believe parents can have some influences on the choice of those presents bought and give by others (as often people would ask what the child would like and dislike), but how much influence really? Children don't stay  children, they grow, they have birthdays, have friends, they socialise, and their interests changed with time.

Leia's creative use of toilet paper roll, this time: a Hippo.

I totally agreed on those five reasons mentioned on the article. Personally it is also something I've been trying to practise with my kids at home. I used to take my girls to the "Ludothek" downtown instead of taking them to the toyshop. Ludothek is a place where you can pay a small sum of yearly membership fee and borrow toys. It works like a library. My kids loved it. One of the many "Family Rules" at home actually written: "Pay with Hugs and Kisses". Yes, my kids got plenty of that and never seem to have enough, although they also made jokes about me exchanges hugs and kisses with the cashier ladies at the supermarket for the glocceries bought. But of course they understood that mummy does not have to buy them a present or pay them the CHF 2.00 (as prior agreed) every time they did well at school. Having less toys saved me a lot of money, less time spent tidying up and therefore, a lot of nerve is also spared. The best part is, kids became very creative with the little things they have. That is true in our case as well. They're always inspired by small things and rarely run out of ideas of what to do and play. As for setting them on the path for Entrepreneurship, our family rule number 9th actually said to "Dream Big" but honestly speaking (writing), I feel it's a bit too early to judge and cage the kids based on their skills and interests at the age of just 6 and 9. They still got plenty of time to grow and learn new things. As said before, their interests do change with time, just like us adults.

So, if her opinion is good and I've been trying to do it prior reading the article anyway, what is the problem?

Leila kept herself entertained and occupied while waiting for food in a restaurant.

My problem is, I see loop holes in the article. What are we to do with presents? Or am I the only one spoiling my children by allowing them to have their social life, holding birthday parties (by no mean large parties) and taking them to visit family and friends, including the ones in the faraway lands? Ideology is one thing but reality is another. Kids are kids - and us grown ups just love to shower them with presents and gifts which are mostly toys anyway... 

Natalie putting her drawing skills to good cause, one of the designs she made on cards sold to earn cash for UNICEF. 

You see, I am of Thai origin so my family stretched out beyond Swiss’ boarder. My Thai side of family live far away from us and the thing is, each time they got to see the girls, it felt like it's Christmas all over again! Not that it made any different when it was us playing the visitors either. The last time we went to see our family in Thailand, we ended up having to choose between getting a new suitcase and face an additional charge for that extra weight at the airport or upsetting the girls and leave their presents behind. I think you would agree with the latter too, right? 

One of Leila's version of a Hippo when she was four.

Interestingly my oldest girl Natalie finally drop a comment; “Mummy, why is it that each time we have “your Thai friends”* here, they always come with their suitcases full of presents just for us?” Firstly, what she actually mean with “Thai friends” is basically how an eight-year-old describe all my Asian family members and very close friends who came to stay with us during their visit to Switzerland. In Thailand, the friend of your mum becomes an "aunt", the aunt of your mum, becomes your other "grandmother". Everyone is a family member.

Little ballerina had enough with the show time, now just want to draw. 

Well, anyway, that really got me into thinking…harder, if I should actually say something to my relatives and friends regarding their generosity. I mean, after all the last thing I want is that the girls started to make “expectation” and “comparing” the number of presents they are getting by whom and from whom, or having it programed in their heads that each time they see this and that person, there should be this and that amount of presents waiting for them. That would be so wrong. On the other hand, I can totally understand my family and close friends' good will and the giving culture. I supposed it would be different if they get to see us and the girls more often. Grandma and Aunts just want to make sure the girls won't forget them and are so happy to finally 'get to spoil them'.  

I absolutely don't know the way to make rejection without ending up being rude and unappreciated. The giver enjoys the giving and the receivers enjoy the new gifts and the loving attention. I think, most of us have been there.

So, the only solution (that seem to work) I find is to quietly explain to my girls and hopefully they understand why some family members chose to show their love and kindness in the form of material things, they simply live too far away to take you to the playground or sit around playing games with you every other day. The fact is, with young children's mind, if you don't often spend time with them and yet expect them to remember you, the kind of impression you want to leave for them may request more than just "a great time" together. Imagine asking my six-years-old this; "Do you remember Aunt "B", the one who came here and went with us to the zoo?", they will remember the trip to the zoo but not so much about aunt "B". But if I were to say, "Do you remember aunt "B", the one who joined us at the trip to the zoo and bought you that Hippo?", now, my six-years-old will be more likely to remember that aunt "B"! Not that she is materialistic though, it just the fact that, we do have more than one trips to the zoo last year and often enough that we won't alone, so if I were to be more specific as in "the one who give", somehow kids just remember them better!!!

Drinking made exciting. 

Locally (as in, friends and family within Switzerland), there are times when I get questions asked for the girls' birthday and Christimas'wish lists. Let me tell you, a straight forward answer to such simple question is really hard. Although I tried to stick to the girls' basic needs, I feel it only get harder when you have two girls and the younger one could benefit a lot from the older one. Plus, as mother, you tend to automatically get most of these things sorted for your kids before they ended up freezing their toes out before their next birthday finally arrive just so they could add winter boots on the wish list then. So, at the end of the day, I often leave it up to the girls to make their own choices or the grown up to get creative on the idea of giving. And even though they know that their toy cupboards are full, but because there are things that (all) their friends at schools seemed to already owned more than one, they too, would like to have some of those things. You know what, people may judge me for spoiling my kids but you know, they have all waited since their last birthdays and Christmas for all that.

That time when the girls got very much into the loom bands.

As time goes by, thankfully my experience as a mum get to grow with it. Now that the girls are older, the ideas of alternative gifts are plenty out there. The girls have learnt to appreciate the time that many adults don't have much these days to spend with them, be it a trip to the zoo, museum or a theatre, as long as it is fun, they're up for it. Now that they understood the value of money (in the way that kids do), they've learnt to handle it with extra care too. They understood now that they have the choice to either spend it all, safe it all or spilt it into two parts; on something from their wish lists which they didn't get over Christmas or birthday and feed the rest to their piggy banks at home. 

Bedtime Party

The girls hardly watch TV or no TV at all during the week and when do, they preferred to watch a decent film from a DVD (which often get split into two half-times). Thanks to this good habit, they are automatically less approached by all the latest toys heavily advertised on the TV. They absolutely love doing all kinds of art&craft and spending time making stories with their figure toys. When the weather is good, they get creative around the garden or joining their friends out and abouts. Each have their own hobbies, mostly musical or physical activities which they enjoy doing and I completely encouraged, even if it means more time for me spending behind the wheel.

The Self-made cards are the best and Natalie knew it.

Admittedly without any shame that, although we started well and made effort to have less toys around the house, at the end of the day, we somehow ended up with too many toys. The girls owned far too many Barbies they could play with. They owned far too many Lego collections, which have been built, played with and now ran out of space to store and collect. They owned far too many games to play with in a year, too many stuffed toys to put on their beds. The list could go on. They get very excited about every new thing for a while but always go back to the same old habits of drawing, making stuff out of toilet paper rolls and anything they could find around the house. Back to the backyard and play with wild flowers, sand and stones.

The day Leila got creative with the washable pens.

Well, so what do we do with all these toys? I took the idea of "Ludothek" home with me and put them away to be "borrowed" by the girls every now and then. They like that. And when they no longer play with certain toys, the girls and I preferred to just give them away. We have great memories when they were given to us so why don't we simply do the same and make other parent and child happy? Indeed we're more fortunate than many families to be given such opportunities to have that many toys. But through good parenting and enough explaination given to the child, it isn't hard to teach him/her the art of giving, sharing and letting go. 

Our Family Rules @ SweetHome

I am not suggesting that it is good to have a lot of toys. The idea of having less toys is great, but there are times when us parents also have to think pass the rules and don't try to control everything. It's like someone telling me; "Don't take your kids to Disneyland,save your money and take them camping in the forest instead, they will have more fun with real adventure" or "I don't let my daughter play with Barbie dolls because she may ended up turning into one". 

I mean, "really?" What if we actually preferred to offer them both trip to Disneyland and camping in the forest but just on the separate trip. Fantasy adventure and wild life adventure just don't seem to be the same thing for me. Also I played with Barbie dolls when I was a kid, yet I don't seem to look like one. 

So, at the end of the day, it isn't about the amount of toys, it's about the quality time you spend educating your child. You can't just fix a rule "Less Toys" in this house and be done with it. Just think of those pair of shoes, clothes, handbags, make ups, perfumes and stuff we bought for the kitchen that we own and don't get much used! Or am I the only mum with such habit? No one is perfect.